


Molasses

by cmpeabooty



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: All implied - Freeform, Alters, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, F/M, Gen, Getting Together, M/M, Multiple Personalities, OOC, Possible medical inaccuracies, Rape, Self Harm, hibiya is pure, izaya is a dick, kanra is horny, may be triggering, nothing graphic, past trauma, psyche is an angel, roppi is feral, shizuo wants to help, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-25 01:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20368639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmpeabooty/pseuds/cmpeabooty
Summary: Shizuo finds out a secret Izaya has kept well-hidden for over a decade. Will he help, or hinder the flea?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i like DID fics using the fandoms alters. however i want this to be respectful to those with the disorder. so if any info is inaccurate or anything, please let me know. i’m not trying to upset anybody here.  
all my knowledge on the disorder come from past research and psychology classes, plus the youtube channel Multiplicity And Me.  
there won’t be any graphic scenes in this or anything, if that changes i’ll change the tags and put a note in the beginning of the chapter.

He messed up. He just had to grab a few folders from a client, that’s all. And yet it turned into to a dumpster fire. 

He just hopes he can get home before Shizuo shows up. He’s not as good with a knife like Izaya-san is. Nor is he any good at parkour. 

His knee is killing him too, that client thought he would get one over on him. He had to fight his way out. Something that, again, Izaya-san is far better at. 

“Iiizayyyaaaa-kuuuun!”

_Crap. Crap on toast. _

He doesn’t even look in the direction of the familiar roar, he dives down the closest alleyway, trying to avoid Shizuo. 

He definitely can’t handle a stand-off with him. 

He sprints, as several heavy objects fly by him, just barely missing him. Jeez, he’s gonna pee his pants. That guy is scary. 

Unfortunately, he runs into a dead end, his knee screaming for him to stop running. His composure is falling too fast for him to stop it. Izaya-san is gonna be mad. 

Shizuo has a terrifying grin on his face, as he sees he has the Flea cornered. 

His back hits the wall, and his knee finally gives out. He can’t move. He can feel himself trembling as panic starts taking over. 

Shizuo is saying something, taunting him, probably, but he can’t hear over the rush of blood pounding in his ears. Shizuo looks as though he’s miles away, not a few inches. 

Oh no, not here! Not in front of Shizuo! Now Izaya-san will really be mad. He’s dead, he knows it. 

_SLAP!_

The Flea is being weird. It’s pissing Shizuo off, so he smacks him, the sound reverberating off the walls of the alley. 

Izaya is staring up at Shizuo, eyes full of pure fear, and it fills Shizuo with something like guilt. Izaya has never been afraid of him. 

“The fuck is wrong with you?”

Izaya shrinks back, still holding his cheek where Shizuo slapped him. His trembling gets even more violent. 

“I-ah... I-“ And his mouth shuts. 

“Tch.” This ticks Shizuo off. The Flea is acting like some damsel in distress and it. Pisses. Him. Off. 

Growling, Shizuo grabs Izaya by the front of his shirt, which seems to wake the Flea from his terrified daze. 

“Ah! W-wait no! Sh-shizuo-s-san, please!”

_Shizuo-san? What the actual fuck?_

Izaya seems to realize he made a mistake, because he clams up again. 

Shizuo drops him, and he falls on his butt. 

Squatting, Shizuo glares. What is this Flea’s game?

“You... hit your head or something?”

The Flea jumps like Shizuo hit him (again). He nods emphatically. 

Shizuo heaves a sigh. It’s hard to maintain his irritation when Izaya looks so pathetic. When his mouth is shut, he’s far less annoying. 

Besides, Izaya is his only occasional fuck right now. He tells himself he wants to keep that around cause Izaya’s ass is just too damn good. 

Sighing again, Shizuo comes to a decision. 

The Flea yelps, as Shizuo yanks him from the ground, and flings him on his shoulder, in a fireman's carry. 

“Wha-“

“Shut up. I’m taking you to Shinra. Just stay quiet.” And surprisingly, Izaya listens. He’s quiet the whole walk to Shinra’s apartment. 

Shizuo dumps him on Shinra’s couch right away, when he let the pair in. He can’t help, sigh in relief.

“I’m going for a smoke.” And with that, Shizuo leaves the other two, and closes himself out on the balcony. 

“Alright, then.” Shinra turns to him in one smooth motion, “So, who am I speaking to right now? Because I know Izaya would never stay quiet this long!”

“...Hibiya.” 

“Ah! Good to see you again, Hibiya-kun! Now, can I ask why you were fighting with Shizuo?”

Hibiya, plus all of the others, have never really liked Shinra. He’s... shifty, to say the least. They’ve never liked that someone outside the family knew so much about them. 

Still, Hibiya can’t help but be polite, especially when it’s Izaya-san’s friend. “I wasn’t, he found me while I was out and he caught me off guard.”

His knee throbs, as if to remind him it hurts. Like he could forget. 

“I hurt my knee, can you please fix it?”

Shinra hums a happy noise. “It’s always so fun hearing you be so polite with Izaya’s voice!”

Of course Shizuo took that moment to walk back inside. 

Shinra scurries off to gather a bit of medical equipment, so Hibiya is alone with Izaya-san’s rival. He tenses up, ready to flee. 

Shizuo eyes him, as he goes to raid Shinra’s fridge. “The hell was he on about? You? Polite? HA!”

Hibiya fidgets, on edge. His eyes never leave Shizuo. Tension rises quickly as Shizuo narrows his eyes. 

“Oi. The fuck you staring at? You trying to-“

“Now, now, Shizuo. Try to play nice He really is a good kid!” Shinra breezes back into the room, only to freeze, realizing he’s said something he shouldn’t have. 

Hibiya glares at Shinra, when he turns to give a guilty look. Shizuo just looks annoyed and confused. 

“The fuck you on about?”

“Ah, well-“

“Shinra-san. Don’t.” His voice is cold as it cuts through the room, like one of Izaya-san’s knives. 

“...Shinra-_san_? Wha-“

Shinra whirls around to face Hibiya directly. “C’mon. It might be best for him to know!”

“No.”

“But-“

“No!”

Shinra sighs, “What about Psyche-chan?”

Hibiya bristles. “What? Don’t bring him up here!”

Shizuo, getting more and more annoyed, watches the two argue. 

“What if he gets caught out in the city! Maybe Shizuo could help him!”

“Absolutely not! Izaya-san would never-“ Hibiya shuts his mouth, not catching his mistake before it left his mouth. He looks away, he can already hear the others yelling at him (literally).

Shinra smiles a creepy smile.

“Uh... why are you talking about yourself in third person, Flea? It’s fucking weird.” 

Of course Shizuo had to find out! Of course!

“Well, the thing is...” Shinra turns to Hibiya, silently asking permission 

Hibiya sighs, there’s no covering that mistake, especially not with Shinra here. Hibiya gives a small nod.

Shinra nods once in return, then turns to Shizuo. “Shizuo, do you know what Dissociative Identity Disorder is?”

Hibiya doesn’t want to listen to the rest. He walks out, before Shinra could even fix his knee. He doesn’t care. Namie-san should be at the office anyway.

Shinra sighs when the door slams behind Izaya, but he turns his attention back to Shizuo, waiting for his reply.

“Uh, isn’t that multiple personalities or something?”

Shinra smiles, “Yes! Yes it is! That’s just a more outdated term. DID is the current, more accurate title of the disorder these days.”

_Okayy..._ “And what’s your point?”

“Well, you see, I probably shouldn’t tell you this, without Izaya, but he’s not here, and really, it’s better if you-“

“Shinra!” Dammit the doctor was babbling too much. It was pissing Shizuo off.

He jumps. “Ah, right. Well, basically, Izaya has DID.”

Shizuo blinks.

Shinra continues, “He hides it very well, i’m the only one outside of his family that knows.”

“So, what, he’s got like another personality? Is that what was going on here?”

Shinra nods, pleased. “Well, it’s not quite that simple. Izaya has four alters- the personalities are called alters- and you have interacted with them many times, without realizing.”

He doesn’t know what to say, so he stays quiet. Shinra continues his speech. “Today, you met Hibiya. He’s only about thirteen years old, so, though he’s very smart and is a part of Izaya, he can be a bit naive in the wrong situations.”

Shizuo is still confused, why the fuck should he care about all this?

“But, I have these old notes, hold on...” And Shinra dashes off to his room, a bunch of scrambling can be heard down the hall.

He comes back, and hands Shizuo several sheets of paper, covered in writing. 

“Hibiya wrote these. Why don’t you read over them for a few days, and then we can go from there?”

Shizuo glances at the top sheet. It’s like a manga character’s personality profile, but apparently, it’s written about alternate personalities?

There’s one for Psyche-chan, Hibiya, Roppi-kun, and Kanra. Plus intricate drawings of each personality- er, alter.

Again, Shizuo wonders why this should matter to him, and why the hell does he feel almost betrayed? This is something important. Even an enemy-with-benefits would reveal something like this. But Shizuo was kept in the dark for years.

_What the hell, Izaya?_ He’s paying that Flea a visit soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh idek why i titles this ‘molasses’. it just sounded good.

Shizuo feels... conflicted. Yeah, conflicted is definitely the right word. 

Because as he read through those old sheets of notebook paper, too many emotions warred through his body. 

Disbelief, and outrage, because a part of him still thinks this is just a game that Izaya got Shinra to play along in. 

Disgust and anger at himself, because some of these supposed “alters” are underage. 

Shizuo fights and fucks Izaya. But what if... what if he wasn’t always fighting and fucking _Izaya?_

What if he-god forbid- fucked Izaya while the alter ‘Psyche-chan’ was in control? Psyche-chan is _six years old_, for fucks sake!

What if, when he threw heavy vending machines, he was actually throwing them at Hibiya? Or Roppi?

Izaya, and his personalities, being a pest is one thing. But they aren’t kids anymore, and it is nauseating to Shizuo that he may have been trying to kill someone as young as Psyche. 

He tells himself it’s all just an elaborate joke of Izaya’s. That Shinra is in on it, and that it doesn’t matter. 

His encounter with Hibiya, however, has Shizuo second-guessing himself. 

Izaya is pissed. Oh, is he pissed. 

Shizuo, probably the last person on Earth he wanted to find out, found out about the others. 

He’s more angry with himself, though. He can’t stay mad at Hibiya, or any of the alters, for that matter. Especially when Hibiya started to cry. The tears always get Izaya. 

He can hear Kanra laughing at him. Honestly, he wants to laugh at his own stupidity, too. 

_“Can I meet Shizu now?!”_ There’s Psyche-can. He thinks Shizuo is some sort of superhero. It scares Izaya far more than he’d like to admit. 

“No! You’re never going near that bastard!” He says this out loud, but he hears Roppi-kun echoing him. For once he agrees with the alter on something. 

_ “I’m so sorry, Izaya-niisan! Please don’t be angry!” _Hibiya has been apologizing for the past 24 hours. 

Izaya heaves a sigh, “I’m not mad, I’m just frustrated. Don’t worry about it.” He still feels Hibiya shrink back. Kanra is still snickering. 

It’s strange, sharing a head with four other people. Sometimes it feels crowded, especially when they all have something to say. 

But Izaya’s long been used to it, and really, he’s be lonely without them. Things would be far too quiet. 

He wishes he knew what went on while one of the alters was in control. He hates finding out from memories he didn’t make. Especially when it’s because Kanra fucked Shizuo, and that’s why his back hurts. Or when Roppi-kun knifes someone because they “talked shit” on Izaya, and that’s why he has a broken nose. 

Above all, he hates the bizarre fixation that all five of them, Izaya included, have on Shizuo. 

He texts a quick “_fuck you_” to Shinra. Kanra says “_LOL_” like a moron. 

On the plus side, the info Hibiya grabbed for him proves more valuable than he’d originally believed it would be. 

Shinra calls, instead of texting back. Izaya debates answering the phone till the last ring. 

“What.”

“Ah, It’s Izaya right?”

“_Yes_,” He hisses. 

“Right, uh, well, I’m sorry! I really didn’t mean to blow it!” Shinra sounds a bit frantic. 

Izaya rolls his eyes, “No, you practically bullied Hibiya into letting you do what you wanted to do, because you like treating them like they’re your experiments!”

It’s been like this since high school, when Shinra first found out. He’s far too fascinated by Izaya’s alters (not even Izaya himself, just the others! What the hell?!)

“I... “ Izaya hears Shinra sigh, “No, you’re right. But I did mean what I said, about this being for the better? What if Psyche-chan gets into trouble that you caused? Shizuo could-”

“That won’t happen. Psyche-chan doesn’t leave the house.” Izaya can’t help but feel chills. He knows Shinra has a good point. 

_ “But I wanna meet Shizu!”_

“Shush.”

“Huh? I didn’t say anything?”

Izaya rubs his temples, “Not you Shinra. I was talking to Psyche.”

Izaya feels Shinra’s entire demeanor change through the phone, “_Ohh?_ You can hear them all the time?”

Dammit, “Yes, now shut up and leave me alone. I have work to do.” And with that, Izaya hangs up. 

Izaya pulls up his latest client’s request, and sets to work. 

Psyche whines, so Roppi distracts him with rock-paper-scissors. Kanra hums to herself. Hibiya is still sulking. Alls well, he supposes. 

Shizuo tried not to be obvious as he eavesdropped on Shinra’s conversation. He couldn’t help it. 

He came back to Shinra’s, not even a full day later, because he was too keyed up. He needs to know more. 

For what it’s worth, Shizuo knows Shinra is a pretty terrible liar. Plus his ‘scientific’ interest in Izaya really tells Shizuo that this isn’t a joke. 

That Izaya really has alternate personalities. 

Shizuo wants answers, but for now, he’s too chicken to ask Izaya head on. For once, he’s scared of the Flea. 

Shinra is his next best option, well, Izaya’s sisters could probably help, but he doesn’t even know where they live. 

“So, Shizuo. What would you like to know?” Shinra comes over with two mugs of coffee, Shizuo’s more cream and sugar, than coffee. 

Unsure of where to start, Shizuo stalls, sipping his coffee. Questions bubble around in his head until, “How long have you known,” falls out of his mouth. 

“Since high school. Do you remember when I got that concussion in our second year?”

Shizuo blinks. “Yeah what about it?”

“It’s because Roppi-kun tried to bash my head in because I insulted Izaya.”

Shizuo chokes, “What?! Izaya hit you?!”

Shinra laughs, shaking his head, “No no, it was Roppi-kun who bashed my head into a wall. Not Izaya.”

What the fuck... Shizuo says as much out loud. 

Shinra laughs again, “Don’t worry, Roppi-kun is just very protective of his host and the other alters. You’ve probably fought with him.”

Shizuo freezes. Even though Roppi sounds like an asshole, he can’t help but feel bad. Roppi is only sixteen, or so the papers say. 

“Hm, shall I just go down the line? Tell you a little about each one? Minus Izaya, of course.”

Actually, Shizuo would like to know more about Izaya, but that’s for another day. “Sure, I guess.”

“Alright~! Well, Psyche-chan is the first alter, he’s about six years old. You’ve never met him, trust me, you’d notice right away.”

Shizuo sighs in relief. At least he wasn’t harming a child. 

“Psyche-chan is very sweet, and shy. I think you’d like him.”

Shizuo nods, “The papers said he thinks i’m a superhero...?” 

Shinra laughs, loud. “Oh yeah, like a Marvel character or something! It drives Izaya insane.”

Shizuo chuckles a bit, imagining some kid-version of the Flea all starry-eyed. 

“You’ve met Hibiya, possibly before yesterday too. Most likely you met him during high school.”

Shinra continues, “ He’s very studious, you know how Izaya always skipped school? Whenever he did show, it was usually Hibiya. He hated it when Izaya would skip school.”

“What’s he like?”

“Yeah you didn’t get much of an impression yesterday... He’s very respectful and polite, and_ verrryyyy_ intelligent. I think he might have a photographic memory, though I’ve never asked.”

Shizuo’s brows rise, “Damn. Isn’t he only a kid?”

“Mmhm, he’s thirteen. He’s probably why Izaya graduated, HA!”

Shizuo smirks at that, “I haven’t hurt him, have I?” 

“I doubt it. These days, Izaya tries to keep the kids in his apartment when they come out to play. They rarely go out. Only Roppi-kun and Kanra go out. Izaya has too many enemies. He doesn’t want the kids hurt.”

Shizuo is surprised to hear this, but then again, they are just parts of Izaya. It does make sense. 

“Roppi-kun is about sixteen years old. He’s... mean. He doesn’t like anyone outside of Izaya and the alters. Maybe he likes the twins, but i’m not even sure about that. He definitely doesn’t like you or me.”

“What did I do?!” 

“Ah, well you do try to kill Izaya on a regular basis. As for me, he says I’m not to be trusted. I... may be wrong but... I think Roppi is the one who sent you to jail.”

“WHAT?!” Dammit, fuck his morals he’ll kill that kid when he sees him. Shizuo starts pacing, pissed. 

“Ah, wait Shizuo! He’s just a kid!”

“Oh the hell he's just a kid! He knew what he was doing, dammit!” Shizuo sits, trying to lower his blood pressure. 

“Should I keep going? There’s only one left...”

Shizuo sighs, still annoyed, “Fine.”

“Okay, um, that leaves Kanra. She’s the last of the alters, nineteen years old.”

“Wait, a guy can have a female personality?”

“Yup. Gender doesn’t really matter. Sometimes Psyche-chan calls himself a girl.”

Shizuo blinks, anger forgotten. 

“Well, Kanra is probably the most similar to Izaya, personality-wise. She’s just a lot more flirtatious. Like _a lot_.”

Shizuo blushes a bit. Her sheet had the crossed out words of ‘_wants to fuck shizu-chan~ LOL_’. Shizuo does not tell this to Shinra, though Shinra probably already knows. 

“You’ve definitely met her, and fought with her before. Though I have a hard time telling her and Izaya apart, so good luck figuring that one out.”

“Right...” Shizuo can’t help his curiosity. 

He wants to know more about the man he’s been obsessed with for the past decade. 

“I want to meet them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> autocorrect keeps changing Hibiya to Hingis. 
> 
> this was a lot of exposition, especially the last part, just i wanted to introduce the alters, before properly having them interact with shizuo.   
also i’m writing shizuos “take” on the alters existence and a little bit incorrect on purpose.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i chose to make psyche a boy/girl because i wanted to show that alters don’t need to be the same gender of their host, and that each alter is their own person, they just share a body. but psyche is a little kid so gender really won’t be a focus.

It took two days of arguing back and forth for Izaya to agree to letting Shizuo meet the alters properly. 

Shinra’s apartment has become somewhat of a neutral ground, much to Celty’s surprise. 

(Shizuo is still a little peeved that Celty knew about Izaya, and didn’t tell him. But whatever.)

Izaya may have agreed, but he set about a thousand rules that Shizuo has to follow or the deal is off. 

Any meeting is on Izaya’s terms. Even the alters have to agree to that one. 

Shizuo will not use his “monstrous strength” in front of the kids. He’ll traumatized them, apparently. 

No matter what they say to him, Shizuo will not get angry at them. Shizuo’s not making promises. 

Anything Shizuo sees or hears in under full confidentiality. If this gets out, it could ruin everything for Izaya. Or so he says. 

There’s only about another thousand of requirements that Shizuo didn’t bother remembering, but he doesn’t really care about what the Flea wants. Well, he does a little... maybe. 

Arguments and agreements aside, it takes just over two weeks for Shizuo to actually meet one of Izaya’s alters. He tries to contain his excitement and curiosity. 

Shinra called him, saying Celty picked Psyche-chan up, with a note in Izaya’s handwriting that said he could meet Psyche today. 

He’s glad he’s meeting the little one first. The others would probably make Shizuo angry too easily. Plus he’s good with kids. 

He didn’t really think that through though. 

Shinra lets him into the apartment, but stops Shizuo in the entryway, as he removes his shoes. 

Speaking quietly, “Just a warning, Shizuo. He still looks and sounds like Izaya, but please don’t get angry. Psyche-chan is a little kid.”

Shizuo frowns, “Yeah. I know that Shinra.”

Sighing, Shinra leads him into the living room. Shizuo hears the Sailor Moon theme playing from the TV. 

Not saying anything just yet, Shizuo watches Izaya- er, Psyche. 

He’s ditched that awful jacket, wearing an oversized gray hoodie. But other than that, his appearance is the same. Shizuo does feel a difference though, just an innate sense. The same sense that tells him where to find Izaya to chase him away. 

Shinra gently clears his throat. “Psyche-chan, I would like you to meet Shizuo Heiwajima.”

Iza- Psyche turns around, and stares at Shizuo with wide eyes. His mouth is parted open. It’s cute. 

Shizuo kneels down, “Hey... kid.” It feels weird, talking to Izaya like he’s a child. 

But Izaya is a child right now; he’s Psyche. 

He blinks a couple times, and then a huge grin breaks across his face. That smile takes Shizuo’s breath away. 

“It’s really you isn’t it! It’s Shizu! Shizu the superhero!”

Shizuo won’t lie, this is fucking weird. His enemy is smiling at him, with all the happiness in the world, and is calling him a hero. 

He knows it’s not Izaya, he _knows_ that. But still... Shinra gives a knowing smirk, and goes to make some drinks. Shizuo is left alone with Psyche. 

He is left alone with Psyche, who is now tugging his arm, “Come on! Come here! Do you know Sailor Moon? Is she your friend? She’s so cool! Oh wow, I wanna be Sailor Moon for halloween, that would be so fun! Hey, Shizu, which character is your favorite...”

He’s an endless ball of excited chatter, clutching onto Shizuo’s arm in his excitement. Shizuo can’t help but smile. 

Shinra comes over, to drop off snacks and drinks, then disappears back into the deep of the apartment. 

“...I’m so happy Iza-niisan let me see you!” The endless barrage of questions and comments ends with this. “He never lets me leave the house either.” Psyche starts playing with the little toy airplane in front of him as he talks. 

Oddly enough, Shizuo comes to the Flea’s defense. “Well, he just doesn’t want you to get hurt or anything. He gets into a lot of bad stuff.”

“I know! It sounds so fun and cool! Kanra tells me all about it!” Psyche gets an unnerving gleam in his eyes. Yup, this kid is definitely Izaya kin.

Shizuo tried to laugh it off, and distract Psyche from Izaya’s adventures. “Haha, yeah. Um... That’s a pretty cool airplane you got there.” 

Psyche gasps in excitement, “Ohmigosh yes! I love airplanes! I always wanted to drive one when Izaya grew up! It would be so fun to drive in the sky like a bird!”

This kid is too precious. Shizuo’s forgotten any awkwardness at the fact that he’s speaking to Izaya’s face, and hearing his voice. 

He ruffles Psyche’s hair and says, “Tell me more.”

Psyche starts chattering on again, as Shizuo hears the door open. Celty must be home. 

In fact, she is. She doesn’t get more than a few steps into the room when Shizuo hears a double “Celty!” 

Shinra gets punched away, but Psyche gets to hug her. She does look a little awkward, but Shizuo can’t blame her. 

After all, it’s not everyday that Izaya Orihara jumps up, cheering your name. 

She comes in and sits on the couch, helmet still on. 

[Is that you, Psyche-chan? And hello to you too Shizuo]

“Mhm! Yup it’s me!”

“Hey, Celty.” Shizuo notices she changed her keyboard to write in katakana, not kanji. Psyche must not be as good of a reader as Izaya. Makes sense. 

“Can I see your shadows? They’re really super cool!”

Celty does her version of a blush, but nods. 

She removes her helmet, and Psyche’s face transforms into wonder and excitement. 

“Whoaaa...” Her shadows stretch out, entertaining Psyche. 

Celty turns to Shizuo. 

[How are you? Has he been okay?]

“Yeah, he seems like a good kid. A chatterbox though.”

Celty’s shoulders move, as if she’s chuckling. 

[Yeah, no kidding. Don’t give him any sugar.]

They both laugh a bit at the thought, watching him fly his airplane with Celty’s shadow-planes. 

“I gotta ask, how did you find out about this?” Shizuo asks quietly, he doesn’t want to draw Psyche’s attention to the conversation. 

She types for a little while. 

[It was an accident. Izaya had gotten badly injured, and Shinra patches him up. He made Izaya stay the night, because he was really out of it.]

She looks up, then types some more. 

[It scared me. Izaya looked like he wasn’t even inhabiting his body. The following morning, he wakes up talking like a child, and acting like a child. Shinra wasn’t up yet, so it was definitely strange.]

Shizui’s brows raise, “Damn.”

She moves her neck as though she is nodding. 

[Yeah, I thought he’d hit his head, or was just being obnoxious. Shinra explained everything, though. Psyche is the only one I’ve knowingly met.]

Shizuo hums. Wondering to himself what it’ll be like with the others. Psyche has been easy. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kanra is dtf 25/8
> 
> also i supposed a mild trigger warning? there’s mention of a possible self harm occurring in the past. no explicit details.

There is someone sitting on him. 

Shizuo groans awake to a slight weight straddling his hips. There’s a hot tongue licking the shell of his ear, as a hot breath says in a low voice “Wake up Shi~zu~chan~”

Every muscle tenses on Shizuo’s body as he opens his eyes and shoves Izaya back. 

“What the fuck Flea?!” He glances at the clock, “It’s _three in the god damn morning! _What do you want?!”

A heated giggle, then, “You.”

“Dammit, Izaya not now! I work in the morning!”

“Not Izaya.”

Shizuo blinks, he can barely see the Flea in the darkness. But he can see his smirk. “The hell does that mean.”

“Heh, I’m not Izaya. He doesn’t know I’m here.”

It takes Shizuo a full ten seconds to remember that Izaya has other personalities. “Shit.”

Their laugh rings out, cutting through the room. “Now come _on_, Shizu-chan!” And they start tugging at Shizuo’s clothes. 

“No! Stop it, dammit. I’m not fucking you, I don’t know who you are!”

Biting his neck, they answer. “Kanra. We’ve already done this plenty of times.”

God dammit it’s too early for this. It’s too early to be alive. And whatever Kanra is doing with- her?- hips is really distracting.

“See, he’s already getting up! You should too.”

Shiiit. “I’m not doing this to Izaya’s body without his permission.”

Kanra doesn’t like that. She sits up, with a cold look in her eye. “No. This is my body. It is also Izaya’s. We are separate people sharing a body.”

“I... Ah!” Kanra took that moment to grab Shizuo’s half hard dick. Shit. 

“Now, let’s have some fun. I want Izaya to feel this in the morning, and all day... and tomorrow.”

Ah fuck. 

Izaya knows where he is before he even opens his eyes. Only one bed smells like this. Shizu-chan’s. Izaya tells himself that the smell doesn’t make him relax further. 

However, he also notices quite a bit of pain in his lower back, along with a few other delicate areas, and he groans. Dammit Kanra. 

He knows it’s her fault, because she’s the only one who even likes sex (plus Izaya) and she’s obsessed with Shizuo. 

Plus her cackling is a dead giveaway. 

Warm arms circle around Izaya, pulling him closer to Shizuo’s broad chest. 

“Mornin’ Flea.”

Izaya just hums back, enjoying the quiet of the morning for the moment. 

There’s a scar on the soft flesh of Izaya’s stomach. Shizuo doesn’t know its origin. It’s horrifying. 

It looks as though someone tried to saw off the skin and muscle. Maybe that’s what happened. There’s what looks to be kanji scarred underneath the awful slash marks, but it’s impossible to tell what it says. 

The first time Shizuo saw it, sometime ago during one of their hate-fueled fucks, he honestly was terrified. How can someone saw at another’s skin like that? Or, was it self inflicted?

At the time, Izaya had hissed and taunted Shizuo, ultimately distracting him from that awful scar. 

“Shizu-chan will get wrinkles if he keeps frowning like that.” A thumb smoothing out the lines between Shizuo’s eyebrows. 

“Wrinkles, huh...” Shizuo can’t help his smile, but it’s short-lived. That scar too fresh in his memory. 

“Don’t worry about it.”

Shizuo jumps a bit, realizing he’d reached out and his fingers were brushing the scar. Izaya gently grabbed his hand when he spoke. 

Shizuo barely whispers when he asks “Do... you know how that happened?”

Izaya sighs a bit, and is quiet for a long moment. So long, that Shizuo thinks he’s just getting ignored. 

“I don’t. You’ll have to ask Roppi-kun.”

Roppi? “I thought the other personalities-“

“Alters.”

“Right, that. I thought you said they’re here to protect you. Why would he hack at your skin like that?”

Izaya stretches, thinking for a moment. “I’m not sure. My guess is it has something to do with his... coming about. Something awful and traumatic has to happen for the mind to fracture into separate people.”

Shizuo listens quietly. Izaya has never been quite so candid with him. 

“I don’t know what happened to cause my alters’ ‘creation’ and I don’t want to know. That’s why they’re there. They are to keep the bad memories away from me.”

“I guess that makes sense.” Shizuo pauses, before risking his next question, “Would- do you think Roppi would tell me what happened?”

Izaya goes quiet again. Shizuo can tell he stepped over a line he probably shouldn’t have. 

“I can’t stop him from telling you, but I don’t want you to ask. It was a part of the deal, remember?”

“Right. Sorry.”

Izaya hums a pleased sound. “Now where did Kanra throw my clothes, I’m hungry.”

“Alright, but eat quick. I gotta work soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this one was a bit short. i just really wanted to update this for y’all.  
izaya is always much easier to deal with first thing in the morning (also after he had mind blowing sex). bless shizuo.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> roppis story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning//  
there is rape as well as self harm in this chapter. read at your own risk.

“I don’t like you.”

Roppi parrots Shizuo Heiwajima’s first words to Izaya right back to him. Because it’s true; Roppi damn near hates that man. 

He’s watched Izaya have his heart broken by that monster too many times. It’s infuriating, and Izaya is too stupid to admit it to himself. He refuses to forget about Shizuo Heiwajima and the hurts he’s brought into Izaya.

Roppi will not let any more hurt come to Izaya. 

Izaya was only sixteen when his mind split for the third time. 

Izaya had made his first mistake by taking Kine up on his offer. Really, Kine was the moron. Any sane adult would not bring a sixteen year old into the yakuza world. 

But he did, and Izaya relished it. He _loved_ it. He felt powerful and intimidating. He had yakuza executives recruiting _him_. 

This rush of opportunity and the high of power quickly backfired. 

Kine really should have known this would have happened. He works with yakuza. They aren’t known for being upstanding citizens. 

A regular meeting (Kine not present) turns sinister, too fast for Izaya to react. 

He was knocked out, and taken to a nasty-looking basement. 

He opens his eyes to a dim room. He’s been stripped naked, and is tied down to a table. He’s so, _so_ scared, that he can’t even think. He feels himself retreating, watching this happen to his body through a telescope, and yet, he still feels it all. 

He knows what’s coming. He’s surrounded by gross men, leering at the sight of his body. 

His only thought is that he really, _really_ wants his mother. 

They are rough with him. They tear his insides as they force their way into his body. They don’t listen to his pleas for them to stop. 

They jeer and laugh as he cries in pain. They laugh as he’s forced into an orgasm. 

They start jamming themselves down his throat, too. He can barely breathe, and the tears never stop. 

A searing pain lights up on his right side, and he tries to scream and get away from the knife cutting into his side. 

“Ah, he tightened up, keep doing that.”

His mouth is free again, and he sobs and coughs the salty taste from his mouth, groaning like an animal as they continue to cut his side. 

Finally, maybe hours, maybe days later, they’re finished with him. Someone hastily wipes him down, gauze slapped onto his bleeding cut. It burns with every breath. 

He’s dumped into the backseat of a car. They put his sweatshirt on backwards. They get to his apartment (how do they know where he lives?), pick the lock, and dump him on the couch. They leave, car speeding off. 

He needs to clean up, can’t get his dad’s leather couch dirty. He manages to flop off the couch, groaning. He crawls to his bedroom, nearly passing out from the pain. This is one of the many times he’s glad he has a bathroom attached to his bedroom.

He gets the shower on, and manages to get his clothes mostly off, so he can sit on the floor of the shower, and let the cold water wash him away.

He dozes in the shower, coming to when he hears a bang, and a yell. They’re pounding on the bedroom door. Fear slices through his body and he curls up, whimpering. They can’t be back right? They were done with him! He has nothing left for them!

His entire body shakes in pure terror. He doesn’t dare leave the bathroom. They’ve made it into his bedroom, and bang on the bathroom door.

“Iza-nii? Are you there? Hellooooo?”

A girl? A little girl? Iza-nii...

Almost automatically, he shuts the water off, and calls out “I’ll be out in a minute, Mairu.”

He hears her run off. She brought him back to himself. Sisters, he has to make dinner, doesn’t he? 

And with that, Roppi, not yet a fully developed alter, gets up and makes his sisters some food. 

Roppi doesn’t trust others. He’s been in too much pain to risk any more harm to Izaya or the others. 

He’s barely friends with Shinra, and Shizuo is just a way for him to let off some steam. 

He didn’t let Izaya have control again until his body was healed completely from what happened. It was rough on Izaya, though. He was “gone” for over a month. 

In that time, Roppi nearly killed Izaya’s only friend, exposing Izaya and his alters. 

Izaya has seen the scar left on his body from what happened. He knows what it means. He was very grateful to Roppi for taking him away from that pain. 

The scar reads “Awakusu-kai.” It is a mark of ownership. A mark of property. 

Around a year later, Roppi is sick of the scar. He is sick of feeling sick every time he sees it. 

He hates the way it makes Izaya feel, like he’s trapped, like he’s just someone’s toy. Even though Izaya doesn’t know what happened, it doesn’t matter. He knows the yakuza had used him and claimed him. 

Izaya has been claimed by depression and it makes Roppi furious. He’s furious at the yakuza who did this. He’s furious he couldn’t stop it. He’s furious that he can’t help Izaya. 

In a fit of anger, Roppi takes a knife and his phone to the bathroom. He lifts his shirt, exposing the kanji carved into his skin. His vision turns red, and fury takes over. Fury and disgust at himself. 

He slashes at the kanji. Scraping the knife back and forth over the name. He wants it gone. He wants Izaya to be able to reclaim his ownership of his own self. 

He cuts deep, blood flowing down into his pants, soaking them. He doesn’t feel the pain just yet. Only a gratifying sense of relief. Like he’s won against the men who hurt him. 

He saws his skin open, smiling the whole time. He hears Hibiya begging him to stop. 

He feels a bit woozy, so he drops his knife, and starts a text for Shinra. 

‘Come over. I need help.’

He collapses before he can hit send. 

The twins heard a thud, so they creep into Izaya’s room, then into the bathroom where the light is on. 

Their brother lays on the tile floor, soaked in his own blood. 

Mairu tried to get him to stay awake, but he’s quickly losing consciousness. Kururi sees his phone next to him, and she sees the unsent text. She hits send. 

Mairu is screaming. Izaya’s phone rings. It’s the same person he was texting. Kururi answers. 

Roppi wakes up in the hospital. Apparently Shinra was no help. 

His mother is crying, she thinks he was trying to kill himself. He tells her no, just that something bad had happened to Izaya. 

She nods, almost as if she suspected this. “I could tell you weren’t Izaya. But you weren’t Hibiya or Psyche either.”

She always knew more than she let on. She’d let the alters come to her first, rather than force them to expose themselves. 

Thankfully, she doesn’t ask what happened, and Roppi doesn’t offer the information. 

He’s forced to see a therapist, though. 

Izaya is in his twenties now, but Roppi has stayed sixteen. He still cowers from the yakuza, and he still hates Shizuo. 

He can tell that Shizuo wants to force himself into the alters’ lives. Not gonna happen. 

Roppi will make him stay away from Izaya no matter what. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was sad. i’m sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know if this is good. let me know if you want more, or if i should just delete my account
> 
> bonus points if you can guess where i got “crap on toast” from


End file.
